Being a good gift-giver is a skill. I’m lucky enough to have a few sweet friends who are amazing at it: the thought and attention they put into their gifts is obvious and heart-warming when you open them.
Sadly, many of us also know a few people who are terrible at it, too. We’ve all heard about the husband who gives his wife a vacuum for her birthday (which is great if she really needed or wanted one, but not so great otherwise). The worst are instances of thoughtless gifts, given out of obligation or guilt. No matter what they are, you can always tell they’re insincere.
Giving well doesn’t have anything to do with money. Gifts should have intention in mind; the purpose of a gift is not merely to present someone with a thing, but to give the recipient a tangible message. Making sure your gift conveys your message is a skill you can hone if you follow a few simple steps:
1. Be a Good Listener
Just paying close attention during your everyday conversations with people can yield lots of great ideas for gifts. (I’m not talking about the kind of “hints” you get from young kids or women on a mission for diamonds, either.) This seems like a no brainer, but listening is a very effective way to become a thoughtful gift-giver. At some point, your giftee is bound to remark on something they saw/ used to have/love or need. Make a mental note when they mention these things and file it away for future use. Write it down someplace, if you have to! My mother-in-law once told me that her own sweet mother used to serve them soft-boiled eggs in little egg cups when she was young, which made them seem special. Later, I was browsing around Pier 1 Imports and came across a display of dishware including little egg cups, and they immediately called to me. When do you ever see egg cups anymore? Nearly never. I got her one.
My friend Traci lamented one Christmas that stockings were always a fun part of her family’s holiday tradition growing up, but that she and her husband hadn’t kept it up when they got married. In fact, they didn’t even HAVE stockings. See where I’m going? That year I got them each a stocking and stuffed it with little silly things and fun snacks, all wrapped, to remind her of the fun she’d had as a kid and to encourage them to keep the tradition going.
2. Choose Something You Know They Would Never Give Themselves
If you’ve been listening, at some point you’re bound to get an idea of something the recipient would love but would almost never treat themselves to. This could be something a little pricier than their regular budget allows for, or something they’d consider just too decadent. I don’t know many people who’d buy themselves a box of gourmet chocolates or fresh flowers, but don’t they make nice gifts? They say, “you deserve a little luxury”.
I was shopping with my then husband several years ago and he stopped to look at a display of Laphroaig Scotch whiskies. He’d had a glass at an event and loved it, but wouldn’t buy a bottle himself, knowing it’d just be for him. I pretended to be interested in some other display while making my mental note. That was a fun gift to give. He was shocked!
In some cases, the luxury of time to spend however they’d like is the best gift of all. Babysit so a new mom can get some rest or have a long bath. Volunteer to pick up the kids/pack the lunches/wash the baseball pants for a friend who could use a little “me” time. We all need it.
3. Go One Step Further
When I give someone an item I’ve knitted, I usually expect that at some point they will worry about whether or not they can wash it, and how to do so. I like to include a cute little card (like these) with the knitted item that has care instructions written on it. This eliminates any worry they might have had, and their need to ever awkwardly ask me, “So, you know that lace cowl you gave me at Christmas…can I get Nutella off of something like that…?”
When you have a great idea for a gift, ask yourself if you can do something simple to make it even better. For example, I ran across some really cute acrylic tumblers in the Dollar Spot at Target recently. Everyone can use a tumbler, right? The tumblers are cute on their own, but when I recently sent one off to a friend in Houston, I filled it with fun tea bags so she could use them with her cup. It was an easy way to make a simple gift even more fun.
4. Give an Experience
Send your favorite baker to a class on making french macarons. Go for a spa treatment with your best friend. Treat the birthday girl to afternoon tea someplace swanky, or serve it yourself at home. (They’re just little sandwiches, after all, and very do-able.) Find out what your giftee is into and think of a way to help them enjoy it even more. This is an especially good way to handle gifts for those People Who Have Everything, who are notoriously hard to shop/make for. A gift of membership to a local museum or tickets for a show can be great ways to give a memorable experience.
One of my favorite examples of this kind of gift was taking our four-year-old daughter on a Polar Express train ride this Christmas. My family and I climbed aboard a steam engine all decked out in garland and lights for a reading of the book by Chris Van Allsburg on our way to the North Pole. There was music, there was cocoa, there was a visit from Santa. It may have been East Texas, but it was magical and real for the kids. Her face says it all.
You can also support a cause your gift recipient believes in by making a charitable donation in their honor. Find out what they are passionate about and do what you can to support it. This is another great solution for people who are hard to buy/make for, or who have embraced a more minimalist lifestyle and would appreciate fewer “things” to take care of.
What are your favorite tips for gift-giving? I’d love to hear them. Happy giving!
Cheers!
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